I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
