Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
