dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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