I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
