I should be sponsored by Trojan
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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