when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize