Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
