Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
