absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
