does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
