I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
