Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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