k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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