As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
