Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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