I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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