Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
