Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
