I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
