Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
