she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize