okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
