sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
