how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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