I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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