You really coming over, don't trick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize