You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
