my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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