Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
