It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize