cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
