Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
