Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
