Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
