just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
