and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
