Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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