is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
