Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
