I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
