Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
