no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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