A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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