I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
did i walk over a car last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
