I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
