There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
