I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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