She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
