problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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