Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
