It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
