You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize