for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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