just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
