I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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