be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
