Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
