So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
