So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
