And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
