Screwed.edu
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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