Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize