I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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