Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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