I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
