Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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