This is not my ceiling
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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