I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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