conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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