Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
