My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
