the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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