Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
